Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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