her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
