it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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