how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
