I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
