You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
