i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
