no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
