she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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