yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
