He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Less talking, more tequila
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
