and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
even my farts smell like vagina
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
