similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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