i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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