Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
