Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
