I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
