last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
