You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
