Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
