STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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