hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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