So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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