Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
they call him Oral-B. enough said
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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