i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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