My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
