I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
