my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
