Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
