Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
