Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
How's work?
Spinning.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
