I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
