whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
