The maid of honor just puked.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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