I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
