remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
