My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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