hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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