My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so let's talk penis.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
