I just threw up on my dentist
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
