I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
