hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
