Where did you get a picture of my penis
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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