The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
