There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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