once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
