Whoa Z and x make the same sound
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
