Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
