Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
