My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
